For some reason or other, my work only usually schedules me every other week. Last week I worked almost every day, and this week I’m off. I start school two weeks from today (excited!! and SO nervous) so I’m going to do some fun things (maybe) this week while I still have free time.

I think I’ll head downtown one day, and do a small amount of shopping. I want to see the Liberty Bell. I still haven’t seen it. And I want to go to the Edgar Allen Poe house, which is just a block or two away. Let’s hope the weather is nice this week. It’s been getting hot, which is weird to me because in Arkansas it’s been hot for a while and over 100 degrees already. Here it hasn’t really been bad, and it’s June!

I want to get a video done this week and write an article for examiner because it’s been a couple weeks and I’ll probably get in trouble. But I don’t have any fashion ideas. So if you do, or any questions, feel free to ask me!

July 10th is orientation for school. I’m so scared! When I started college in Arkansas my bff Elizabeth was starting with me, so we did the orientation stuff together, and I really skipped most of it. This one is kind of mandatory, and I guess I really need to go anyway. They’re serving both breakfast and lunch to us and it’s supposed to last all day. I’m just getting horrible flashbacks to high school when it was terrifying to eat alone. I don’t want to eat by myself and I suck at meeting people! Also I found out a monthly pass for the subway/bus downtown is $78! And I have to get one because I’ll be heading down every day for school. Although that is really a lot cheaper than driving/paying for the subway every day.

This past weekend we went to a luau at some friends’ house and it was really fun. Today I have to buy a phone charger and I’m going to clean a lot.

This entry sounded like it was straight from a 12 year-old journal who doesn’t have a life.

I leave Wednesday to get back home to Philly. A week wasn’t long (seemed like forever though….) but I think it was just the right amount of time.

It’s funny I forgot how time moves here. As in, it really doesn’t. This week has gone by fast, but each individual day feels like a month! Hard to explain. I’ve gotten to see all my best friends (except Courtney, she was stuck in Memphis). And I got to hang out with my family. Many of the days have been packed, which was unexpected. It turned out to be good, though. I wish I could’ve seen some people a little more, but honestly, it’s been just right. I’ll be back.

In other news, I had to go to the eye doctor today. My eyes have apparently been rejecting my contacts and it’s gotten pretty bad. I’ve been wearing my glasses for days. Anyway, turns out I have to get switched to a different kind.
I got the Sims 3. I’m addicted. It’ll give me something to do on the plane ride back, too. I made me and Stevie, of course, as my main family. Molly and Natalie live at the house on our right, and my BFF Elizabeth lives on the house at our left. And we all live on the beach. How perfect can it get? But my Sims keep weeing themselves because I can’t be bothered to get them to the toilet in time.

Here’s a picture of me and Molly, with Stevie on the computer in the background. I’ve gotta get me and Stevie more accurate haircuts from the website. As you can see our dishwasher is broken in the background. I think I’m calling the repairman. Oh LIFE!

EDIT: As of now Stevie and I have updated haircuts after this was taken. I know his looks right from this angle, but it isn’t. It has long bangs in the front. Why am I telling you this.

So I’m back here in my room in Arkansas. Which means I’m in a weird mood, which means you’re about to get a blog entry of me attempting to express my weird mood.

First of all, my hometown hasn’t changed….at all. But I mean, I’ve been gone just over 5 months. I don’t really know what I expected, but even with that, it’s somehow not the same at all. But I think it’s just me. I think I’m the one who has changed. This place doesn’t feel like home whatsoever. I expected to come back and be a kid again for the week, but I feel like a guest in my own hometown. My room is bare, I’m giving most of my extra stuff away. The walls are blank. It’s not my home anymore. I mean, it’s more than just not having things. But it’s something I can’t explain. This isn’t where I want to be after a long day. This isn’t what I want to come home to anymore. It’s our place in Philly.

I never thought I’d miss Philadelphia as a place, lol. I mean, I knew I’d miss Stevie. I miss Stevie (SO MUCH) already and I saw him this morning when he took me to the airport. But, I mean, I actually miss Philadelphia. Maybe I have more of a life there than I thought. It’s my home now.

Me and Elizabeth played some board games tonight, I hung out with my family, and I packed away even more things to be given away or thrown away. This room is seriously EMPTY. Currently I’m feeling super stressed out and REALLY nervous. Like, stomach-in-knots-nervous I don’t know why it’s happened all of the sudden. I think it’s a combination of missing and of all the things I have to do and people I have to see before I fly out on Wednesday.

But I think if I stayed longer I’d go crazy. A week should be sufficient for now. You know when you think about growing up when you’re a kid you have a plan. Usually it’s to finish school, move out, etc. But you never really think of the emotional consequences of moving until it’s like right there. I don’t remember the point where I stopped being a kid and started being an adult. I don’t even think I’m an adult yet!

ANYWAY, I’m done rambling. Main points: I miss Philadelphia and Steven, I’m having fun in Arkansas and am excited about my trip but am mildly stressed, and growing up is difficult and confusing. Rereading this, I don’t think I did a very good job of explaining myself at all. Ah well! More cleaning?

Oh this city, this city is getting to me. Everything is so brown and grey and vertical. I understand now what people mean when they say they’ve lived in the northeast, and it sucked the life out of them. I vowed to never let it happen when I moved here. I think I’m doing an okay job.
Nothing bad meant for people who live here and love it. It’s obviously a nice place or else so many people wouldn’t live here. But you have to have a certain mindset for it, and I unfortunately don’t possess that.

This coming week I’ll be taking a short trip to visit my family and friends in Arkansas. The fields are calling to me! I think I was meant to live in the middle of a large field, surrounded by woods on three sides and a river on the fourth. I always imagined this would be in the UK as well.

But it’s kind of like I’m going back to a changed place. My parents have had a lot of remodeling done to our yard and around the house. My friends are all doing their own things. This place feels more like home than that one, now. But it’s weird because I don’t feel like I have an actual life of my own. My life home is now gone. I mean I’ll always have a life there because my family and friends are there, but that’s kind of independent of the place. My life in Arkansas, as I know it, has come to an end.

And my life here in Philadelphia still hasn’t begun. I haven’t developed any friendships on my own. I haven’t started school yet. I still can barely leave the house without getting turned around and lost.
But it’s better now at least, and it’s saying a lot that I feel at home in this house at least.

I think I’m at the point where I’m starting to realize some parts of my life are over now. That was my life then and I can’t really keep dwelling on it or missing it. It’s just much better to look at things and be glad they happened and move on.

I have been reading hayleyghoover’s blog daily for a few weeks now because it’s so addicting and she updates daily. Things she says reminds me of my last days in high school (oh my god, I graduated three years ago). I never comment (sorry Hayley, you know I love you) but maybe this post can be considered a type of comment.
Hayley just had her prom (entry here) and I laughed so hard. Not at the misfortunes, I swear, but because it reminded me of my own “night of my dreams,” as Hayley called it, and the douche bags in my high school.

I didn’t go to my senior prom. After attending prom when I was a junior, I rather have jumped off a large, large building than go through that again. Prom is all about girls in slutty dresses dancing to slutty music with guys in ill-fitting tuxedos. To everyone in high school, I know it seems like the WORLD right now, but 2 months from now you won’t even regret it if you didn’t go.

ANYWAY, back to the point. I DID, however, go out on prom night. I think I told my parents I was camping with some friends (sorry when you read this). I think that sounds bad enough, but I think it was with goody-goods (who in reality, I HATED) so they were fine with it.
In reality, I went to a hot tub party with my best friends (Did I mention I didn’t hang out with the best influences senior year?). I think my parents probably would have let me go if I had just told them where I was going, but I underestimated how laid-back they were. Regardless, they wouldn’t have been happy about the goings-on.

I honestly think my senior prom night was a blast, except when I had to be carried out of the hot tub and put to bed by someone who was there I really didn’t know, but now I have that story to tell and laugh about.

I don’t really remember the point of this blog entry, or the moral, if I had one. Maybe it was, “lie to your parents to have fun,” but that doesn’t sound like such a good moral now that I think about it. Maybe it was, “don’t go to the dance but lie and party afterward.” That one isn’t great either….